Babies

One of the Christmas gifts I bought this year required me to go back through old pictures of the last few years. A year ago my little girl still looked like a wobbly little baby just trying out her new-found walking talent. It makes me sad to realize I don't remember her like that quite as clearly as I'd like. I guess that's what photos are for. But I also realize that LF's growth already feels so much faster than LH's, so are his memories going to be that much more blurry as well?
You know, I always wanted to be done having kids in my 20's. Well, here I am at 25, done having kids. But that wasn't exactly what I meant. I wanted a big family, 4 kids is always what came to mind. I never thought I'd stop, or be happy, with 2. And there will be a part of me that always hurts at the idea that I will never again feel someone kick in my tummy, experience the wonder of brith, or hold my own little newborn. I won't get to see the wonder of yet another mix of features in yet another surprise.
But I love being able to afford to stay home with the kids, to be able to have quality time with them so often, to have enough room on my lap for both of them (though that may have something to do with the size of my lap...).
It's all so bittersweet isn't it?
But God blessed us with one of each, so I think that at least is a good sign.
It just makes me feel weird somehow, like the next 5 years are empty somehow. I don't know what to do with them, and I feel like I should be doing something. I mean, I realize I'll be raising my kids and that will be enough to fill my days. But...

But...